Disrespect for Young People

One summer at a family reunion I sat across from cousin in law and listened to her diss her teenaged son right in front of him.  He was lazy.  He never listened.  He  had no common sense.  Expected her to pick up after him.    As we drove home my kids and I talked about how unkind that was to talk about him like that in front of him.  And my daughter said "If he's like that, whose fault is that?"

The first time I saw these "rules" going around facebook (they first showed up without the chalkboard") I disagreed with rule #1.  I never have believed in telling children "Life is unfair.  Get used to it"  I'm not saying I never said it because we all get tired of hearing that whine "That's not FAIR!" from our kids.  But what I hope I taught my children was, "Yes life is unfair...do NOT get used to it.  Never get used to it.  Work to make the world more fair"

But as I see this being shared more and more around facebook it's not just the "life isn't fair"  It's the whole arrogant "Aren't  young people lazy and stupid and aren't we so much better than them?" attitude that bothers me so.  I leave comments disagreeing on every single one of them and nobody seems to appreciate it.  In fact one person called me intolerant.  

I mean seriously look at the world we have created.  Why should young people pay any attention to any "rules" we might impose on them?

Young people are different than we are.   Some of that difference is a good thing.  Some isn't.  Some kids are lazy and feel entitled.  Some kids have been overprotected by their parents.  Many many young people have been neglected and abandoned by the adults in their life.  If we despair that young people do not seem to act like "adults", why is that?  How much time to children actually spend with adults?  Very very little.  Why should they know how to be adults when we've paid so little attention to them?

I've been reading Hurt 2.0, Inside the World of Today's Teenagers  and it is an eye opener.   Young people have pretty much been abandoned and neglected by the adults in their lives.  I think that is why I have such visceral reaction when I see that STUPID picture going around.  I see so much selfishness and disregard for children going on among adults.  How dare we get all self-righteous and smug about what is wrong with young people?  How about we pull out that plank in our own eyes first? 

I am, at heart an optimist. I have faith in the new generation.  They will figure it out.  Just like we rebelled against some of the flaws of the generation before us, they will push the pendulum that has swung too far in this generation.  They will figure out what doesn't work and survive.  And they will push the world a little too far in a direction and will be annoyed when the generation that follows them pushes back.  And so it goes.  

But if you are my facebook friend and you post that picture, be prepared for a rant from me.

"Safeguarding God's Children"

For the past few years I would get the same email from the synod.  Apparently some years ago some resolution passed at the Synod Assembly that all us rostered folk had to attend a "Safeguarding God's Children" training on how to protect youth against  sexual abuse in the church.  It was always on a Sunday afternoon and it was always an hour or so away.  I never want to do anything on a Sunday afternoon, so I pretty much ignored the emails.

The last one said they would not recommend my name to a congregation until I took the training.  So today, after THREE services, I got in the car and drove an hour to fulfill my obligation, rolling my eyes and bitching about it to my visiting sister right up to the end.

It was excellent.  I should have done this years ago.  I should have brought the education committee from all the churches with me.  What was really telling was the information that pedophile networks (you know there are such things, where they advice each other how to find and groom victims) are advising one another to go to church.  Not to find Jesus.  To find little boys and girls.  Because for years now the other youth organization, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Boys and Girls Clubs, ect, have been on top of this and have pretty much made themselves inaccessible to predators.  As usual, the church is woefully behind on this issue, sticking our head in the sand, claiming we don't have to worry about such terrible things taking place in OUR congregation.

I think of some of things we used to do.  I once took a group of kids in my van, with only me, to a confirmation retreat in a hotel.  They were farm kids who didn't get out much and a hotel with a pool was a big deal.  We had a bible study by the pool.   And all the youth gatherings with six girls and two beds and me in a hotel room.  I remember how I used to take the chest measurements myself of all the confirmands for the robes because it was easier than waiting for the parents to get them to me.  No more of that.

"Oh what a shame we can't do that anymore because we have to worry about THAT" is the standard response.  No --what  a shame we did not worry about THAT in the past.  What a shame we exposed young people to abuse in the past.  I don't have a problem with never ever letting children or youth being alone with an adult (even me) again.  Actually I'm kind of relieved to be able to say "Sorry but if I don't get some adults to go with me, we just are not going to be able to go on this trip"  

It isn't that the problem is worse now.  It's that we are AWARE of the problem and are doing what we can to prevent it.  That is not a shame.  That's a good thing.

And good for my synod, the North Eastern Iowa Synod, the COOLEST synod in the ELCA for nagging us rostered types to give up a Sunday afternoon for this.  If your synod is nagging you to go to one, stop procrastinating and get yourself to one.  And if they are not, nag THEM to make that training available.

Of course now comes the part that is even more difficult than giving up my Sunday afternoon nap--convincing the congregation that we need to put these safeguards in place.

Holy Saturday First Communion Workshop

This is just about my favorite class to teach.

I started this practice about 20 years ago and only skipped the last five years because the church where I served didn't want their young people receiving the gift of Christ's Body and Blood until they were confirmed (gee could I have worded that in anymore loaded?)

Today I got to do it again after the five year break and in my dread of giving up four hours to spend with 5th graders I had forgotten how much I enjoy it and how quickly the time goes by.

It's a one day four hour preparation and then following ancient tradition, they come to the Lord's Table for the first time on Easter Sunday.

 I still use a lot of material from a really old source that I can't remember the name of the book -Augsburg Fortress, out of print from the late 80s or early 90s, back when they still thought 5th graders were smart enough to actually learn some theological concepts.  Although this year I added the new Fed & Forgiven and was happy with some of it but would never use it alone.  

I divide sessions up according the Small Catechism.  

I've made my own power points with the catechism, and material from that old book whose name I cannot remember and Brick Testament pictures of the Exodus and the Last Supper.

I make them learn the first part "What is Holy Communion?" (which I still have yet to learn the new version - maybe next year.)  To me, that is still the best, most concise defintion of Holy Communion

Holy communion is the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, given with bread and wine, instituted by Christ himself, for us to eat and drink.

I also expect them to tell me what three things make a sacrament and what are the three benefits of Holy Communion (Forgiveness of Sins, life and salvation - clap while you say it --it has a rhythm)  

We go marching outside reciting these things at the top of our voices and in Southern, German and Italian accents.

We also bake bread for Easter Sunday. 

This is the recipe I got from my first call church cookbook from Hope Lutheran Church in Madison, WI.  I like to use a rising bread to show how long yeast takes so they can understand why for the Exodus they did not have time to use leaven, but also so they understand that there is nothing particular holy about unleavened bread, bread with yeast is fine too.

Whole Wheat Communion Bread

21/2 C warm water

1 pkg active dry yeast

1/4 c. soft shortening

1 tbsp salt

1/4 cup light molasses, honey or brown sugar

2 C whole wheat

2 C white flour

In a bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water.  Add shortening molasses and half the flour to the yeast, 1 cup at a time.  Beat with a spoon vigorously. 

Add remaining flour and when you can no longer beat with a spoon, knead with hands. (make sure every kid gets a chance to try knead it !)

Cover with towel and place in warm spot and let rise about an hour, until double.  Then beat down, divide into six loaves. 

Shape into ovals and flatten.  Let rise again about 1/2 hour. 

Mark with a deep cross by dipping knife in flour before each cut.  Crossways cut needs to be cut almost to the bottom to help break evenly at Communion table.    Bake for about 20 minutes.

Be sure to make an extra loaf so kids can eat it.  I had to make more when I came home today.

We also decorate a wine goblet with craft leading and stained glass window paint and then the whole family receives the wine out of the chalice they make and then they have a keepsake.  

Add a half hour lunch and run around outside or play hide and seek in the church and the time goes by pretty fast.  

And fifth graders are so precious, they still care and are not too cool for this stuff yet.    It was great to be able to do this again.

Let's Help the Kids Help out in New Orleans

The 2009 ELCA Youth Gathering is this summer in New Orleans. I've only been to one of these -the last one in San Antonio in 2006. I had a great time (well maybe not the 18 hour bus ride) but I couldn't get any kids interested this time around so I'll be staying home. This year all the kids will be involved in service projects helping the people of New Orleans which is still recovering from Katrina. We can be a part of that by buying supplies so they are ready to go when they get there - Check it out: 2009 Youth Challenge

It may have been “Stupid” but it was still good!

So I took my confirmation class on a Youthworks "Revamp" in Minneapolis this weekend. I've never done this but I did take a high school group on a mission trip to Houma Louisiana with Youthworks. I was very impressed with how they were organized and their trips are reasonably priced.

This was a junior high event. I brought my confirmation class. My first mistake was bringing 9th graders because our confirmation is 8th & 9th graders. So right off the bat the 9th graders felt put upon that they were surrounded by "little kids". So of course anything "little kids" would be happy to do, they as mature high school students must , by logic, NOT enjoy. The first night was a Christian Hip Hop concert at Elim Baptist. I don't like Hip Hop but I've been doing stuff with kids long enough to just go with the flow...so I'm getting into the beat, starting to move...and my kids are just standing there motionless. "This music is horrible." "This is just noise" "I'm getting a headache" I told them they sounded like a bunch of old people. Then a very energetic youth pastor, good message. We are in the territory of evangelicals who have caught onto the Gospel imperative to reach out to the poor.

The next day we went to Seward church in a very diverse neighborhood - I think they said there are 117 languages spoken "And we are just here to let people know we love them" was how the church was described. It's an old church building and our service was to clean up the mouse droppings in the upstairs so it could be clean enough to have an after school program. I tell you one thing my kids can do is work. Iowa children can work. Not one word of complaint from them.

Then we were dropped off in a neighborhood with $1 per person ($7) to figure out how to eat. We found an Aldi's and bought a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of white bread, some chips and some cookies. They had some cheap apples but i could not talk them into it. The worse part of this was not the food - but the fact that we had to sit and eat outside when it was like 10 degrees.

Then it was "neighborhood stories" where we visit someone who is doing ministry in the city. We went to this beautiful old house and were welcomed by a young man with hip length dreadlocks and earrings. And his Australian wife and baby. They are part of an intentional christian community that decided they would live together with other Christians and pretty much live like they did in Acts. There are several houses of them and there's always a guestroom and anybody can live with them. And they understand that "lives are not turned around in an instant and sometimes it can get pretty messy but you don't give up on people" They don't go to church. Their lives are the church. I could not do that to save my soul...but it was interesting.

Then we had a tour of all these ministries all over the city but the kids got bored and I got very tired. One of the stops was the Midtown Global Market and we decided to just hang out there and be done. Most of the kids enjoyed that stop. Although one girl was bored.

Back to church for ice breaker games which were "stupid" and the bean game - also dubbed stupid but I made them do it. And the dinner was deemed "terrible".

Next we saw "30 Days Minimum Wage", the documentary where Morgan Spurlock and his girlfriend Alex try to survive a month on minimum wage.

Then more Christian contemporary music that my kids liked a little better. Which I think is pretty horrid and self centered because it's all about how I can't live without Jesus' arms around me -( I think I'm supposed to be singing to Jesus anyway...)

I was a little concerned about the message of the speaker because he spoke about what faith was to him - and faith to him was his friend who just wasn't really sure if he had "real" faith because he was just going through the motions, but he didn't really really know if his faith was real so he just quit his job and went and lived among the homeless for a year so he could find out if his faith was real.

Yea at one of our last class sessions, we went over the third article of the creed and how faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit and you DON'T have to agonize and try to muster up good enough faith. Or go and live among the homeless to prove your faith is "real". So I might have to do some debriefing on that.

So as the weekend is going on and my kids are complaining and saying "Do we HAVE to do this..." I'm beginning to fear this weekend is a bust. Because you know, usually I take kids to fun stuff and entertain them and make them happy.

Then it dons on me. These kids have gone to the same school system their whole lives. They haven't had opportunities to socialize with different kinds of people...so this is uncomfortable for them. Many of them have never been in a big city, and have barely been out of the small town in which they live. They are WAY WAY out of their comfort zone. This is not a bad thing.

One of the discussions we had was about how they felt when everyone was jumping around and yelling "Yea Jesus" and they just didn't want to do that. They felt others were staring at them and judging them. So we had a good talk about what's that like when you feel like you are judged for being different.

And on the way home I asked them, "So assuming I don't make YOU go on this again--do you think this is a worthwhile experience for other confirmation kids? Do you think it's good to do this at least once"

All of them said, yes, but only for the junior high kids. So I may do it next year. I just hope I don't have to miss my favorite figure skating competition again like I did this year!