I'm Still Here. Making Fruitcake and Remembering to be Thankful

My Swanky Office

I make fruitcake when things are going well.  

It's time consuming and expensive so it's a good sign when I make fruitcake.

This is the thing.  

I write a blog for a living now.  So it's just not so pressing to do it on my own anymore.  In case you missed the news, I'm the new Director for Evangelical Mission for the Northeastern Iowa Synod, ELCA.

It's a strange but wonderful position. As I described in my Staples post, I work for the ELCA but am deployed in the SYnod Office.  And I am doing stuff no other DEM is doing.  

Most DEMs are all about new starts and mission congregations.  Well we don't have many of those so my job description was written to include helping congregations use Social Media for outreach.  

It's kind of scary because I keep getting introduced as the "Expert in Social Media" when I'm really not all that expert.  I've just tried some stuff that works, read some stuff and know where to find answers,.  Usually.

I'm doing stuff I love.  I work with a Bishop I admire and other incredibly hardworking, knowledgeable, talented and downright pleasant to be around staff.  I wake up in the morning thinking "Yea I get to go into work today"  I travel around to different churches to preach and people are happy to see me.  People listen to me.  It is for me, anyway, the Best Job in the World.

But this is the thing. 

 There are parts I don't like. Sometimes I have to do things I don't want to do.  And even though just a few short months ago I couldn't breath I was so grateful and excited to get this job, there are times now when all I do is think and grouse about those silly things I have to do that I don't like.  

What the hell is wrong with me?  I guess that is what sin is. 

Because this is the thing:  Gratitude does not come easy to us.

And when it does, it doesn't stick around.  You have to work at Gratitude.  You have to make an effort.  Get lazy and you will default to bitchin and moaning about those things you don't have you wish you did or the things you do have and wish you didn't.

Don't get lazy.  It's Thanksgiving time for crying out loud. 

Maybe things are not going as well for you as they are for me. Let me tell you in the darkest of my times, I have found gratitude to be all the more important. 

 Thinking about what I did have that was good in my life has kept me out of some deep wells of despair I could have easily plunged into. 

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you"  I Thess. 5:17-18

Yea, what he said. 

Oh and here's my Fruitcake Recipe

The Days Facebook Went Red

I used to have two facebook accounts, one for church and one for me.  It was a way for me to maintain boundaries.  I was not being dishonest or not real, I was myself in both and had many friends who were on both.  It’s just there’s something you talk about in church, and some things you talk about with your friends.

Recently I decided it was too much time and work to go on both and I was missing relationships with everyone so I switched as many people as would come over to just one.  And I learned to make lists for who would see what posts.  I have my crazy liberal list.  And my parish list.  And my no politics list.  I am kind of outspoken and like to talk about things but I don’t want to alienate people in the parish who don’t share my views.  I have facebook friends I have pretty much hidden because their political posts annoy me and I did not want to be *that* person to others.

Then came the day everyone was changing their profile picture to a red equal sign in support of marriage equality as the Supreme Court took up the California Prop 8 and DOMA .  And I had to make a decision. 

When you change your profile picture everyone sees it.  And I knew not everyone in my parish would not appreciate it.  But this is the thing.  When my former parish was all up in arms about the ELCA Churchwide decision to allow those in same sex relationships to rostered leadership I took what I thought was a measured and “neutral” position.  I did put forth the argument for full inclusion and acceptance of LGBT people but did not necessarily advocate for it.  I talked mostly about the importance of our unity being in Christ, not our position on this issue.  And I still suffered and lost my job.  Neutrality didn’t help anyone.   I might as well have been more outspoken for all the good being neutral did me.

I have a lot of unchurched friends on facebook, many of whom have had bad experiences with the church when it comes to being judgmental.  And I decided that it was more important that they see a Lutheran Pastor advocate for  rights for all people, than worry about offending some church members who think their pastor must agree with them.    So I went red, along with most of my facebook newsfeed.

Funny the only pushback I got was from my young Wisconsin Synod great-great niece.  I still used my lists because I didn’t think it was necessary to be in your face about it.  I made my stand known. 

 

Did going red influence the Supreme Court?  No.  Is it enough to change your profile picture or posts memes to work for justice?  No, of course not.  But sometimes a red profile can mean a lot to people.  It did this week.  And I’m glad I went red for couple of days.

Iowa Lutheran Day at the Hill

I think this is a great idea and think every synod should do something like this.

So basically a bunch of Lutherans are bussed into the state capitol to talk to their representatives about important issues.  They handed out blue T shirts for everyone to wear.  It was cool to see all the blue shirts around the capitol but my mama didn't raise me to meet my representative at the Capitol wearing a T shirt.  To me this was a collar day. 

Ours was sponsored by Lutheran Services in Iowa, and funded by a grant from the ELCA World Hunger Appeal.

Monday we were asking our legislators to increase funding for Human Services by 5%.  Which isn't much to ask, considering it was defunded by 5% in 2009 during recession and now we have a budget surplus.

We got a little pep talk before hand and were encouraged to talk about how we are doing this because of our faith.  I took a little different tact.  Yes my faith compels me to care for my neighbor but I don't know that is a good reason to convince my government to take care of my neighbor.

I argue that it is in our best interests as a country and state, city, community to take care of the most vulnerable in our society.  We are all better off when nobody goes hungry.  It is good for us when addicted people get treatment, troubled youth get counseling, dysfunctional families have resources, disabled get job training, refugees get help adjusting to a new country.  This seems really obvious to  me.  You don't have to be a Christian, Jew, Muslim or Wiccan to see how this is a good thing.  Yes it is costly, but not addressing these concerns ends up costing us a lot more, if not in prison costs, but potential loss of contributions by people who just needed some help. 

So I got to see my state senator and I didn't have to do much convincing.  "Oh I absolutely agree" she concurrs.  Then she points across the room - the the State House.  "That's your problem.  We put together a budget including increases for human services.  They have a different budget"  Need a say the Iowa Senate, like our Congress is mostly Democrat and our House is Republican. 

There was at time when this was NOT a partisan issue.  When everyone agreed it was good provide human services.  Now even though we can afford it in Iowa anyway, partisan ideology is getting in the way of helping people.  That sucks.  It also sucks that my Republican representative did not answer my email when I told him I was coming, nor was he available.  A lot of representatives were not available.

Anyway I think this was a great experience for people.  Very educational to learn how our government works.  To have an opportunity to speak for people who don't have lobbyists to represent their interests.  To let representatives know there is another Christian lobby that is interested in something other than abortion and gays. 


For more information about Lutheran Day at the Hill.

Tradition, Vestments and Doing Whatever the Hell You Like

This post has been a long time coming.  I have been thinking about vestments for some time now.

It’s become quite fashionable for both pastors (often younger ones but not always) and lay people to decry vestments as somehow creating a barrier to “authentic” ministry because they create an artificial divide between pastors and lay people in worship.  What is a bit amusing is they always talk like they are the first ones to think of this.  Please.  

Anti-vestment sentiment is as old as anti-catholic prejudice.  

A former congregation of mine had it in their founding minutes in the 1830s that “no clergy shall wear vestments as there is nothing in scripture about this”

As one person put it “It makes it look like you are having a different experience in worship than the rest of us” My response to that is “Um, well, yea I am having a different experience.”  I’m leading the worship.  My view is literally different.  I’m saying and singing different stuff than everyone else.   That doesn’t make me better.  It makes me, um…the pastor.  The Pastor is different.  

New Lent Stole

I never thought of vestments as elevating me or making me special, I always thought of them as making me blend in more with the worship and furnishings.  I’m now serving where two of the churches do not have air conditioning and sometimes to keep from passing out (or distract the worshipers who fear I may pass out) I have to forgo the alb and I really do feel naked and self-conscious up there without my uniform.  

When I wear my vestments it’s not really me anymore.  I’m just part of the worship.  My part is to lead.

Another observation I find interesting is that the very pastors who argue that pastors are just like everyone else and should claim no special authority are the very ones who feel free to break with tradition and pretty much do whatever the hell they want. 

I hear of clergy wearing whatever they want, doing whatever they please with creeds, liturgies, even lighting the paschal candle every Sunday of the year for no other reason that I can surmise other than they feel like it.    That seems like using your pastoral authority to me.  Not in a valid way to my mind.  

Scapular

But I must confess to doing something similar when I began ministry.  When I started out buying vestments I decided I liked scapulars better than stoles.  They fit women’s bodies better than stoles.  

My justification was that they were aprons and that was just a valid symbolism of service as the stole.  

I did what I see a lot of younger pastors do now.  I broke with tradition to do what I liked and I made up my own symbolism to justify it. 

 I kind of regret that now.  I’m in the process of replacing them all now with stoles.  Which is kind of a shame because I really like a lot of the designs on them. 

 But it is fun to buy new stoles.   

I also bought a cassock.  Which is really pretty silly where I am.  I wore it with a surplice this Lent and I wear the cassock for funerals.  Being someone who spends a lot of time deciding what to wear – a cassock can be quite a relief.

I think this is what getting older does to you.  It makes you appreciate tradition more.  

It also makes you grumpy when you see others breaking with it so easily. 

 I suppose this is the way God planned it.  Younger people challenging the boundaries, older folks defending (yes I know that’s a stereotype, there are young conservatives and old iconoclasts) and somehow it is supposed to balance out. 

 I am more worried about pastors writing new creeds and new liturgies every week than what they wear.  I don't even like to worship at a strange ELCA church on vacation because I have no idea what I'm walking into.

  Anyway, I will probably wear my scapular with the cool three crosses this Sunday and my green one for a while as I still haven’t ordered a new green stole.

ELCA Pastors on Facebook

There's a group on Facebook for ELCA Clergy.  It's a lot of fun.  We discuss/argue about theology, give advice, share stories.  There are more than 3200 members in the group and its growing everyday.

There are some people in that group that drive me nuts.  Some about whom I think "YEE GADS - These are ELCA PASTORS???"

And then it occurs to me.  There are people thinking the same thing about me.  

Heh.  Don't ya love it?

"Safeguarding God's Children"

For the past few years I would get the same email from the synod.  Apparently some years ago some resolution passed at the Synod Assembly that all us rostered folk had to attend a "Safeguarding God's Children" training on how to protect youth against  sexual abuse in the church.  It was always on a Sunday afternoon and it was always an hour or so away.  I never want to do anything on a Sunday afternoon, so I pretty much ignored the emails.

The last one said they would not recommend my name to a congregation until I took the training.  So today, after THREE services, I got in the car and drove an hour to fulfill my obligation, rolling my eyes and bitching about it to my visiting sister right up to the end.

It was excellent.  I should have done this years ago.  I should have brought the education committee from all the churches with me.  What was really telling was the information that pedophile networks (you know there are such things, where they advice each other how to find and groom victims) are advising one another to go to church.  Not to find Jesus.  To find little boys and girls.  Because for years now the other youth organization, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Boys and Girls Clubs, ect, have been on top of this and have pretty much made themselves inaccessible to predators.  As usual, the church is woefully behind on this issue, sticking our head in the sand, claiming we don't have to worry about such terrible things taking place in OUR congregation.

I think of some of things we used to do.  I once took a group of kids in my van, with only me, to a confirmation retreat in a hotel.  They were farm kids who didn't get out much and a hotel with a pool was a big deal.  We had a bible study by the pool.   And all the youth gatherings with six girls and two beds and me in a hotel room.  I remember how I used to take the chest measurements myself of all the confirmands for the robes because it was easier than waiting for the parents to get them to me.  No more of that.

"Oh what a shame we can't do that anymore because we have to worry about THAT" is the standard response.  No --what  a shame we did not worry about THAT in the past.  What a shame we exposed young people to abuse in the past.  I don't have a problem with never ever letting children or youth being alone with an adult (even me) again.  Actually I'm kind of relieved to be able to say "Sorry but if I don't get some adults to go with me, we just are not going to be able to go on this trip"  

It isn't that the problem is worse now.  It's that we are AWARE of the problem and are doing what we can to prevent it.  That is not a shame.  That's a good thing.

And good for my synod, the North Eastern Iowa Synod, the COOLEST synod in the ELCA for nagging us rostered types to give up a Sunday afternoon for this.  If your synod is nagging you to go to one, stop procrastinating and get yourself to one.  And if they are not, nag THEM to make that training available.

Of course now comes the part that is even more difficult than giving up my Sunday afternoon nap--convincing the congregation that we need to put these safeguards in place.

It all Began at Churchwide

 

Just got this from my Northeastern Iowa Synod office:

ELCA Hay Lift Update

Three to six semi trucks will be loaded with hay at 10 a.m. Monday, Aug. 29, at two Luana farms as part of a hay lift sponsored by the Northeastern Iowa Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. The trucks will leave Northeastern Iowa on Monday for delivery on Wednesday to Texas ranchers affected by that state’s severe drought.  

The hay lift is spearheaded by Pastor Harold McMillin of St. John Lutheran (ELCA), Luana. While visiting with Texas residents at the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America Churchwide Assembly in Orlando, Fla., last week, Pastor McMillin learned how Texas ranchers were having to sell their herds due to a lack of food. McMillin suggested a hay lift, and the three ELCA bishops from Iowa met with three ELCA bishops from Texas to plan a joint project. They decided to designate the Northeastern Iowa Synod as a pilot synod to get the hay lift project off the ground. If this initial effort is successful, plans are for Iowa’s other two ELCA synods to organize hay lifts statewide.

So far five local farmers, including four from St. John Lutheran (ELCA), Luana, have donated hay for the project. Lutheran Disaster Response has contributed $25,000 to purchase additional hay and to pay for trucking costs. Plans are to help the ranchers have enough hay to last until they are able to have their own crops again. The biggest challenge has been finding the trucks and drivers to deliver the hay, but McMillin says that as word spreads, people have been coming forth with referrals of drivers and equipment

 I love my church.  I love my synod!
Iowa Farmers Organizing Hay Lift for Texas

And our Bishop IS the Coolest

And here's the proof - he and is wife were invited to a State Dinner at the White House - on his blog, Erik share's his dad's description of the evening.

Koinonia: Rubbing Elbows

Seriously, the Northeastern Iowa Synod is the Best Synod in the ELCA

Our bishop is too modest to say so, but he did keep saying that the future of this synod looks very bright and he's right.

I just got back from our Synod Assembly.  I've been to many assemblies in many synods and usually I leave thinking "well that's three days of my life I will  never get back" (except for the late night poker games in Wisconsin back in the late 80s but I digress) but I left today feeling good about the church, the ELCA and my synod.  

No fighting, no wrangling, no scolding, no politcking, just uplifting and encouraging stories about the mission.  



Some highlights

A touching and inspiring tribute by the Bishop for L. David Brown, the first Bishop of the Northeastern Iowa Synod.  I thought our present bishop was the coolest bishop ever.  No. Bishop Brown was the coolest bishop ever.  In 1961 the Rev. Martin Luther King jr. was invited to speak at the ALC Youth Convention.  Then some of the bigwigs of the church though it best to uninvite him.  King uninvited himself, not wanting to be the cause of controversy.  It was Brown who talked him into coming.  He really was a remarkable man, you can read more information about him here: L. David Brown.  But it was really touching hearing our bishop speak of him because he always gets emotional about these things.

A keynote by one of our own, Pastor Steve Brackett who spoke of how his ministry at St. Paul in Postville led up to them being prepared to respond to the crisis when ICE raided the town.  I just think it was so cool to hear from one of our own, to remind us that WE are doing the work of God, here, in Podunk Iowa.

We also heard from the Rev. Twila Schock Director for Global Mission Support, ELCA, reminding us that yes, the ELCA is still doing Global Mission.

Our synod is one of the pilot synods to support the ELCA Malaria Campaign. We passed a resolution with a goal to raise $350,000 for the Malaria Campaign in three years.  We had people dressed up like farm animals holding a mosquito net to take pledges.  I mailed my pledge in last week.  I didn't know we were going to have an opportunity to throw it in a net held by people dressed up like farm animals.  I feel a little cheated.  Kind of like on 9/11/01 when everyone was giving blood--I couldn't because I had given blood the week before.  By the time the synod was over we had $60,000 in gifts and pledges.  

We passed a new synod structure, pretty much doing away with committees that meet because it says in the by laws they need to meet.  We are going to do business through networks and task forces.  Not sure how it's going to work, but I think it's pretty exciting that we are blazing the way.  And it passed with nary an argument.  Which I credit to the synod doing good work on educating folks about it beforehand and the fact that people pretty much trust the synod.  So different than the days in some synods (Ahem....WESTERN IOWA) where you couldn't even pass a budget without folks arguing and questioning nearly every line item. 


And because we did not spend time arguing, we had time at the end to have people come to the mike and tell the stories of mission going on in their congregations. 


There was nary a word about sex at this assembly.  Because the sad hard truth is that pretty much anyone that is unhappy about the sexuality statement or ministry recommendations has left the synod.  A lot of congregations and pastors have left.  We are a smaller synod with less money to work with.  But we are moving forward doing good stuff, instead of arguing about sex.  It's a good thing.

Okay, when I said you all were arrogant,....I didn't mean YOU

So I guess I ruffled a few feathers I said "But those people spouting 'Love your enemies' are just as arrogant and they need to show a little love and forgiveness for those sinners who relish a little revenge".  I guess a lot of people, some of whom I don't even know, thought I was talking about them. 

Like Kevin Blaug at Country Preacher whose FINE essay on "Why I will not celebrate the death of Bin-Laden" was posted on the ELCA blogsite "LivingLutheran"  at the same time mine was.  Just for the record, I agree with what he wrote and I don't think he's arrogant. (And I'm pretty sure I wrote my blog before he even wrote his)

(One little rant before I go-- so someone comments about MY blog on HIS blog.  To that person - You got something to say to me?  Grow a pair and say it to ME!)

Let me get a few things straight.  I WAS NOT out in the streets shouting "USA USA" when Osama died.  I don't do that.  Even at sports events.  But I don't think people who do are horrible people or even bad Christians.  Well actually I think we are ALL bad Christians.  That's kind of my point.  That's why I'm Lutheran.  That's why I really really appreciate grace. 

But I was probably unfair.  Maybe all those people tweeting "Love your enemies" were just fed up with all the celebrating they were seeing.  I don't  follow USA USA people on Twitter or have a lot of  friends like that on Facebook.  Precisely because I don't want to read that crap.    So all I was seeing was Love your enemies, blah blah blah.  And when someone spouted "I don't find the death of a human being funny" after I made a joke about Trump demanding the death certificate, I'd had enough.  COME ON!.  How aggravating to learn that liberals can be just as uptight and self-righteous as right wingers.

The fact is, we all choose the enemy we will/can love.  What's worse, we get proud about loving that enemy, blind to the enemy we cannot/will not love, and judge others who make a difference choice about who they can or cannot love.   I DO IT TOO!

The good news is that we are not saved by loving our enemies. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to love the bastards.  But maybe we all need to spend a little more time on the logs in own eyes before tweeting about someone else's specks.

ELCA Malaria Campaign

You can download this 5 minute video to show your congregation, council, women's meeting, whatever from the ELCA.  There's also a 2 minute version if you have an even shorter attention span than me.

Lutherans, Hogs and Social Statements Part Deux

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Forum on "Genetics and Faith" led by my Bishop Steven Ullestad who is on the task force that put together the ELCA Social Statement on Genetics Faith and Responsibility.

So I've been meaning to write about this and then  Clint Schnekloth over at Lutheran Confessions has to go and beat me to it.  Good thing he did because I started writing a LONG comment on his page and thought "Hey - why not save all this for MY blog!"

So my first comment is to answer the what I think is dumb criticism from people who say the church has no business sticking it's nose in this and stick to religion.  Um.  

Well, the only problem with that is that there are Christian scientists and geneticists.  

Yes really!  Bishop Ullestad told of hearing from people of faith  who work in this field saying "Why does God let me see what I see and give me no one to talk about it?"  One woman was scolded by her pastor for being in the field of genetic work and then derided by her co-workers for being involved in church. 

Look at the people on this task force, it's not just about of pastors sticking their nose in something they know nothing about.  

There are brilliant scientists who are highly regarded in their field on this task force.  There are also farmers and people schooled in agriculture.  

This is not about ivory tower theologians telling people what to do, these are real people, grappling with real issues of science and faith, some of whom for the first time have had an opportunity to talk about this with other Christians.  

f you don't know that there are people out there facing these issues then you are up in a tower somewhere.

Pastor Schnekloth wonders why their embryonic stem cell research is not addressed.  Well, apparently that is old news.  They have found other ways of getting those cells without using embryos and so it's no longer an issue.  The question they are asking now is "At what point to you inject so much human genetic material into a pig (to harvest organs) that it is no longer a pig?"

Yes, friends, we have been so busy worrying about who loves what gender that we have ignored some REAL moral dilemmas growing up around us.  

The study comes out against cloning human beings.  But says something very interesting. 

 However, if individuals are cloned despite societal and ELCA rejection, this church will respect their God-given dignity and will welcome them to the baptismal font, like any other child of God

You know why they put that in there, don't you?  They believe it is going to happen.  Whether the church approves of it or not.   Wake up and smell the coffee people!

There is some very good stuff on creation and care of creation and what I think is a very provocative statement:

Today, the meaning of “common good” or “good of all” must include the community of all living creatures. The meaning also should extend beyond the present to include consideration for the future of the web of life. The sphere of moral consideration is no longer limited to human beings alone.

But lest PETA (an organization for which I, an animal lover have NO respect) get too excited - there is this

The pursuit of genetic knowledge and its applications will rightfully give priority to serving the needs of existing individuals and the human community, with particular attention to the needs of the most vulnerable. These efforts, however, must not compromise the integrity of future human generations and should consider the integrity of the rest of the biosphere—animals, plants, soils and the ecosystem as a whole, including the water and air on which it depends.

 
A measured, Lutheran middle of the road position. Humans first, but concern for the rest of creation.

I think it is an EXCELLENT EXCELLENT study and you should have your folk read it.  Because this stuff is going to affect all of us.

ELCAFactChecker

This is a great idea.  Because some people only seem to believe it if they read it on the internet.  This is an FAQ about the Genetics Social Statement.  Lots of nonsense being spread about that statement.  I wish there had been something like this about the sexuality statement last year.  Or one to address some other rumours being spread about the ELCA - you know like how we've all been led astray by heretics like the notorious liberal universalist Carl Braaten.

Lutherans, Hogs and Social Statements

The ELCA has released a  Draft Social Statement on Genetics 
a while ago.  And so now is why a congregation in North Dakota is leaving the ELCA.    Obie Holmen over at Spirit of a Liberal has a good post about how STUPID PEOPLE are about believing  CRAP they read on the internet and reaching all kinds of crazy conclusions and then blaming everything on the ELCA.  Okay well, he says it nicer.

I'd just like to make a few comments.  First of all, the HYPOCRISY of some of this rhetoric is making my eyes bleed.  These are the same people who want the ELCA to have a social statement that tells women exactly what they should do with their bodies and their pregnancies.  But tell a FARMER what do to do with his SEED CORN???  Oh no.  HOW DARE THE ELCA suggest that you know, maybe God and the Gospel and ethics is not just about pregnant women but maybe has something to do with YOUR life??

And what is with all these comments about how terrible social statements are and how they are divisive, and the church sticking its nose where it doesn't belong and yadda yada.

I LIKE social statements.  Even ones I don't agree with or don't think are written all that well.  If Pastors would just USE THEM the way they are supposed to be used, we would all be better off.  

I lay a whole wad of blame on ELCA pastors for our current situation.  Pastors who a) are too wussy to share with their congregations what they learned about biblical scholarship so we have a boatload of lay people who think respecting biblical authority equals being fundamentalists.  And b)  I blame pastors for being too chicken and too lazy for getting out the social statements, beating the doors and dragging people to study them.

The problem is not enough people have had a chance to look at social studies with their pastor and fellow Christians.   It's not just that people have no idea what these studies say, it's that people don't understand their purpose.  They think they are supposed to be some sort of Papal Decree stating definitively- "This is What the ELCA Believes about That".  That's not what they are for.  They are to give us resources to teach us how to talk about things in the world that are difficult.  They are to teach us how to have conversations with Christian brothers and sisters with whom we disagree.  They are to teach us to wrestle with difficult issues, think about these things and use what we have heard and learned and thought about when it comes to our day to day living.  And they teach us to live with ambiguity which always drives us back to Grace.   We can never be certain of anything but God's mercy and grace.  We just do the best we can and cling to God's grace.  

We'd all be much better off if we had more practice doing that.

So pastors, dig that damned draft out of your back file and put a study on the calendar.  Offer Christmas cookies.  But do the study. 

Knowing only Christ

When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I came to you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling.  I Corinthians 2:1-3

Yesterday was my last Sunday.  

Next Sunday the church I have served the passed five and half years will vote to leave the ELCA and the day after that I will move to a new home.

I usually use the above text for my farewell sermons.  This time there was no farewell sermon.  I just didn't have it in me to preach that kind of a sermon under these circumstances.  

It's been very difficult for me to find the balance between forgiving, leaving gracefully but not being "Minnesota nice" and pretending everything is okay and normal.  To me the answer as been to live those words of Paul - to decide to know only Christ and him crucified.

I've been in conflicted congregations.  I've been targeted by "alligators"  I've been a scapegoat.  Most pastors have.  It's not pleasant but you learn to deal with it.

I've never been in a congregation where the people just basically stopped listening to you.  

The last year there has basically been absolutely no respect for me as the pastor.    People chose to believe things they read from strangers on the internet instead of me.   People pretty much ignored me except for that cursed "Minnesota nice" where they are nice to your face and turn around and say God knows what about you behind your back.

But the one power they could not take away from me was the power to preach the gospel.  

I still got in that pulpit every Sunday and preached the Gospel.  The more they complained about "Gospel lite" and "too much grace"  the more I preached grace and forgiveness and God's love.  

Many ignored it, some tried to argue against it, but I'm convinced some heard it.  

All I had was Christ and him crucified and the Gospel and I preached it.  

And that's how I survived.  

Until the last day when I had no sentimental tear jerking farewell sermon.  All I had was Christ and him crucified and that's what I preached.  

And to me it just proves what I've suspected all along---there's lots of things people think pastors ought to do these days and that's all fine.  But Lutherans have always taught the ordained ministry is about the Word and the Sacrament.

  Yesterday all I had was the Gospel and the words - "Take and eat, the body and blood of Christ, given and poured out for you, for the forgiveness of sin "

I will say more about what I learned this past year.  But I still need time to figure out how to say it in a way that helps me forgive this congregation but also recognizes that they do need my forgiveness.

I needed forgiveness too and of course part of the problem was that they were pretty unforgiving.  

Pastors need forgiveness.  Forgiveness helps me repent.    

It's so backwards when we insist repentance comes first.  

It is when forgiveness is withheld from me that I turn to justifying and rationalizing and excusing myself.  It is when I am forgiven that I can humbly accept my error and resolve to do better next time.  

Being unforgiven leaves a gaping wound.  

If forgiveness is  not forthcoming then the only way to heal that wound is to forgive the unforgiveness.

Love.  Grace.  Forgiveness.  That is all there is.