Children Learn what they see

Saw this over at Beliefnet:  Video of baby worshipping - inspiring or a little creepy? -

(I gotta vote "creepy")

Now I don't quite know why this creeps me out as much as it does - but this is an example of how children learn to worship.  I guess they don't have a video of a darling little cherub learning the Kyrie...but this is why children need to be in the pew not in the nursery or in "children's church"

Carribean Black Bean and Pumpkin Soup

I found this recipe on the internet and made it tonight.  At first, I thought it tasted strange but the more I ate it, the more I liked it.  There are a lot of versions of this....

Here's the way I made it. 


1 onion, chopped coarsely

1 acorn squash peeled and chopped

1 Buttercup squash, peeled and chopped

1 granny smith apple, peeled and sliced

2 cloves garlic

1/2 jalapeno, sliced 

toss all the above ingredients with salt, pepper and a little butter and olive oil in a pan.  Roast at 375 for about an hour.   Puree the entire mixture together.  Put the puree in a pan and add the following ingredients

1 can coconut milk

4 cups Vegetable stock

2 Tb brown sugar

1 cup cooked black beans

Bring soup to boil, stirring and then reduce heat and cook about 3 minutes--then add

juice of 1/2  lime

chopped cilantro

Serve with a little cream drizzled on it.  I think I will make this again

"Easy A" - Funny, Entertaining but also a little Disturbing

 

Sneaking off the the afternoon matinee is getting to be something of a habit for me these days.  I saw a trailer for this movie and it sounded like fun.

First you have to get past not believing that Emma Stone, who plays the main character, Olive would go totally unnoticed in high school.  But she does.  Until she makes up a story about losing her virginity to explain why she didn't want to go camping with her best friend.  She is overheard in the bathroom by good girl Jesus freak Marianne who spreads the story all over school.  Suddenly Olive is noticed by everyone.

Now some people like Roger Ebert in his review, find it difficult to believe that such a story could be such a big deal in today's high school.  Well I've been to Ojai (where the story takes place) and I've been in small towns and while perhaps exaggerated, it is not totally unbelievable.

The name "Easy A" come from "The Scarlett Letter",  which Olive and her classmates are studying in English.  Olive decides to take full advantage of her new found notoriety, sews a scarlet A on her clothes and plays the part of the fallen woman to the max.

This is where it began to disturb me.  First she agrees to pretend to have sex with her gay friend who is being bullied.  Once everyone thinks he's been with her, he's accepted and popular.  Ew.  This movie came out before the rash of suicides by young gay victims of bullying but still...

Then she agrees to do the same for all the misfit and geeky boys in the school, in return for gift certificates to Pizza dives and home improvement stores.  You can tell she's clearly uncomfortable with this but doesn't know how to get out of it.

The movie purports to be about the importance of reputation but to me this is about using women for sex.  She is being used by these boys for her sexuality just as surely as if she had actually had sex wit them.  And she's being used to enhance their reputation so that they can have real sex -- that is, use other girls.

The other thing that is disturbing about this film is how utterly useless all the adults in Olive's life are.  Her English teacher expresses concern but can offer littler other than "you'll figure this out".  The guidance counselor hands her a handful of condoms and shoves her out the door.

That scene was a great illustration of how I believe we have let girls down in this culture.  Instead of teaching them independence and self-worth by who they are and what they can accomplish, we teach them their self-worth depends on their "purity" or we hand out birth control so they can continue to seek approval by using their sexuality.   The purity and the birth control people are handing young girls the same message - "Your value is in your sexuality --either save it as the only precious gift you can offer your husband or give it away but just make sure you don't get pregnant or an STD"

Even her parents, who are cool and supportive have nothing to offer her.  When Olive finally finds herself over head and confides in her mother, her mother simply says "You are smarter than me, you'll figure your way out of this"

So Olive is left alone to figure this stuff all by herself.  Is this how teenagers feel in our world?  That adults are totally useless to them?  Have we so abandoned our young people?

Oh and don't get me started about how the church lets her down.   From the snotty judgmental Marianne to a Bible that confuses her more than helps her, to two churches, there is no help for her from the church.  We can whine and moan about how Christianity is portrayed in the media or we can ask "why do people have the perception the church cannot help this girl?"  What help have we offered young people trying to find their way through this culture of sexual exploitation? 

I think this would be a good movie to take youth groups to --or rent when it comes out later -there is potential for some really good discussion. 

 

Some Good News for a Change

The miners came out of the mine
Shod with infinite paths
And eyes of physical weeping,
Creaters of the profundity,
They know, from the ladder's intermittent sky
How to climb down looking up,
They know to climb up looking down

César Vellejo
Quoted by Arturo Fontaine, In Chile, Love Moves the Sun and Stars

Living Lutheran

This is the new blog in town done by the ELCA - with ELCA bloggers.  LIVING LUTHERAN  It has ssome good stuff and nice to get us ELCA bloggers together.  Disclaimer - yes they reposted me last week but that's not why I'm recommending it.

The Social Network

Lately I'm discovering the joy of (and cheapness) of sneaking away for an afternoon matinee.  My excuse is that I need to keep up with the culture by seeing what everyone else is seeing. And Facebook fan that I am, I had to see the story of how it came to be.

I did have some warning by feminist critics of the misogyny of this movie.  Women basically exist in this movie to be screwed.  Sorry for my vulgarity but that's how it needs to be said.  I understand this is about college boys and they can be single minded on this subject but I have faith in young men and believe that even they do, somewhere in there, have less superficial relationships.

Interestingly enough, I believe it is the movie's protagonist, Mark Zuckerberg, who was the least misogynist character.  This despite the fact that according to the story, the whole Facebook thing began when his girlfriend dumps him for being asshole and then he proceeds to be even more of an asshole by saying cruel things about her on his blog.

But Mark Zuckerberg  (in the movie anyway) is neither a misogynist nor an asshole.  He's a genius with no social skills.  There is speculation that he has Asperger's syndrome.  Having a son with Asperger's, I saw the familiar signs and all I could feel for the movie character you are supposed to hate was sympathy.  The more of a jerk he was, the more I felt badly for him.  We think we don't act like assholes because we are good people.  We just have learned, through non-verbal and other informal ways how NOT TO ACT like assholes.  Some people don't learn that.  We are not better than them.  We have just learned to lie better.

Even Mark's relationship and eventual betrayal of his only friend Eduardo Saverin is more complicated than it seems.  Despite Saverin's loyalty and obvious love of his friend, he was ill prepared to deal with the growth and vision of his friend's project then called "the Facebook"    He was out of his element trying to be a business manager with an already outdated textbook business model.  Mark tried to warn him "I'm afraid you are going to be left behind".  Even under the best of circumstances, you could see that this was not going to end well.  These were 20 year old BOYS with no life experience, one of whom, never really understood how to be a friend, despite his longing to have them.

This Month's Newsletter Article

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,* but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly,* but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 

And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love

I Corinthians 13

We live in a time of transition, turmoil and anxiety.  There is conflict, division and incivility, not just in politics but in our churches.  People lament the lack of respect while at the same time refusing to respect those with whom they differ.  Stands are taken.  Lines are drawn.

And yet even in the certainty of the rightness of our stand, the security of our boundaries drawn, there is a sense that something is not right.    Despite how right we know we are, we sense that all this stand taking and line drawing is in fact, not pleasing to God.

We can cite scripture chapter and verse to prove our point but 

“If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal”

We know with all certainty that our stand is correct and true, our faith does not waver and yet 

 “if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”

Perhaps we have made great sacrifices for our beliefs but still

“If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,* but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

“But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.” 

All the things we argue about and which divide and cause us such anxiety will come to an end.  It is only love which is eternal.

We yearn for clear answers and certainty in this world but 

“for now we see in a mirror, dimly,* but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known”

Why does the world scorn the church?  We can point fingers and come up with all the faults and sins unbelievers, but we still must answer the question, what does world see when it looks a the church?  Does it see love?  Is there an unbeliever such as the pagans in the time of the early church who can point to us and say “See how they love each other?”

God came into the world because of love.  God loves the world, sinful, confused and divided as it is.  God loves us, sinful, confused and divided as we are.  It sounds so simple and trite to simply say “Love one another” and yet if we are looking for commandments to save us – this is the one which will save us.  Love one another.  Love will save us.  Love already has saved us.

May God’s love continue to heal and transform us and empower us to love each other and the world in a way that heals and transforms.

Barking at Torah readers?

What I don't know about contemporary Jewish practices could fill a few books. Like who knew that it was customary for people in the synagogue to "bark" corrections to lay readers reading the Torah during worship? In this article, The Competitive Sport of Barking at Torah Readers – The Sisterhood – Forward.com , Elana Maryles Sztokmans discusses how the difference of the effect of this odd practice on boys and girls.  Boys (as in every other endeaver) are taught to ignore this harassment and continue reading as though they never heard it.  Girls haven't had this training and they end up crying in the bathroom after the experience.

Now I agree with Sztokmans' point that the whole practice of publicly humiliating  your Torah readers should be done away with.  But you know, learning to take public criticism in stride, learning to continue in public without acknowledging rude behavior, not taking everything so damn personally,  NOT dissolving in tears at every single perceived slight is something we need to be teaching little girls (and boys too).   And I don't know that there is a kind and gentle way to teach that.  But probably standing in front of everyone in the synagogue or the church is not the place for it.

St. Francis' Canticle of Brother Sun and Sister Moon

Most High, all-powerful, all-good Lord,
All praise is Yours, all glory, all honour and all blessings.
To you alone, Most High, do they belong,
and no mortal lips are worthy to pronounce Your Name.

 

Praised be You my Lord with all Your creatures,
especially Sir Brother Sun,
Who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendour,
Of You Most High, he bears the likeness.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars,
In the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all weather's moods,
by which You cherish all that You have made.

Praised be You my Lord through Sister Water,
So useful, humble, precious and pure.

 

Praised be You my Lord through Brother Fire,

through whom You light the night

and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong.

Praised be You my Lord through our Sister,
Mother Earth
who sustains and governs us,
producing varied fruits with coloured flowers and herbs.

Praise be You my Lord through those who grant pardon
for love of You and bear sickness and trial.
Blessed are those who endure in peace,
By You Most High, they will be crowned.

Praised be You, my Lord through Sister Death,
from whom no-one living can escape.
Woe to those who die in mortal sin!
Blessed are they She finds doing Your Will.
No second death can do them harm.
Praise and bless my Lord and give Him thanks,
And serve Him with great humility.

A day in Assisi

"and dees ees St. Francis preaching to dee birds"

In 2004, thanks to a big chunk of my husband's life insurance, my kids and I took a 3 week trip of a life-time to Italy.  We did it on our own, took the train all over.  It was great.  In honour of St. Francis of Assisi, I invite you to read about our day in Assisi.  We rented an apartment in Rome for a week and too a day tour (it's about 3 hours away by bus).  Was not the highlight of our trip so you should probably read the whole trip blog :-)

Marburg Colloquy & World Communion Day

On October 1, 1529, Prince Philip brought Martin Luther and Ulrich Zwingli together in an attempt to reconcile their theological differences.   He was trying to unify all the Protestants in a political alliance against the Holy Roman Empire.

Out of 15 theological points, Zwingli and Luther were able to agree on 14.  But the last one was the sticking point.  They could not come to an agreement regarding the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  Both rejected the Roman Catholic understanding that the bread and wine actually changed substance.  But Luther insisted while it was still bread it was also in some way, Christ's body.  It was as Jesus said "Take and eat, this IS my body"  

Zwingli just could not 'see Jesus' body in that bread.  The bread "signified" Christ's body.   Philip's hope for a unification of the two parties were dashed.  And Luther behaved VERY badly, refusing even to shake Zwingli's hand.

Today is World Communion Day, which I've never bothered to investigate what that actually means.  Probably not a good day to talk about the differences in understandings of Holy Communion.  Supposedly we've worked that all out with the Reformed tradition and the Methodists now.  I confess I have not studied the agreements, but I'll take the word of those who worked on it that our agreement on the Sacrament is sufficient.

My argument has always been we should all be able to come to the table together, regardless of how we understand how it works.  After all, does anyone imagine the twelve disciples had a clue, much less a shared understanding of what was going on at the Last Supper?  I still pretty much believe that although I did have an experience several years ago that showed me why some agreement is helpful.

It was my first year at my new parish.  Come Palm Sunday I was told we always did a joint service with the Methodist church in town and this year arrangements had been made for a drama group to enact the Last Supper.  Well enough.  Then it was suggested we have communion and the the other pastor and I preside.  This was before we had an agreement with the Methodists for table fellowship.  

I said as much to the planning committee and was told "We ALWAYS have communion together-what is your problem?"  Oh dear --first year here and I'm refusing to commune with my neighbors.  That won't do.  I called up my bishop and asked what I should do.  His answer was no answer, I was on my own on this one.

Well since I had always thought it was stupid that we couldn't all commune together anyway, I agreed.  The experience was jarring.  The Words of Institution were not said.  And I was simply handed the bread without the words "the body of Christ, given for you"  And I wished I had not agreed to preside.  I felt I could have participated as a member of the assembly but I should not have been "presiding".  

I had much more respect for Communion agreements after that.  

Oh and after that my congregation told me they had "never" had communion together with the Methodists at that service before.  We never did again under my pastorate.

On that note - Happy World Communion Day!

Friday Five - Sometimes it's Just a Job

The RevGalBlogPals are talking about the Job

1) What are a few of the tasks that you find tedious/energy sucking in your ministry position? Please note I said 'tasks' not people :)

 Come around February every year I have to fill out the dreaded Parochial Report.  Is there a pastor that enjoys that?  I get knots in my stomach just thinking about it.  Number numbers numbers swimming in my head and they never come out right.  It doesn't help that no treasurer has ever done his/her report the way the form asks.

It used to make me cry until one day I called up a synod treasurer and asked if they checked if my numbers were correct.  "No" he answered like I'm stupid  ~ "All we have is what you give us.  Oh so I could like, make up a number and nobody would know?  

Ever since then it's been much less stressful because I make up numbers.  They are close so the ELCA is getting good picture.  But it's a made up number. 

2) Is there anything you could do to make one of them better?

Yea.  Have the secretary or treasurer do it like I hear happens in some churches.

3) What are a few of the tasks that you find energizing in ministry?

I just love to teach--especially people that want to learn.  Nothing gives me a buzz like hearing "Oh gee pastor, nobody ever explained it like that before.  That really makes sense"  

I like teaching confirmation unless I get one of those classes where they just stare at me blank eyed.   I'd rather have kids talking and asking crazy off the wall questions and poking each other than the glassy eyed stares.  Fortunately I have had more of the talking crazy questions spitball throwing classes than the dreaded silent ones.

4) If given a quarterly spiritual day, how would you want to spend it?

I would go  to a Benedictine retreat center, read those books that I can't read at night (my usual reading time) because they are too deep and they put me to sleep, walk a labyrinth, eat delicious healthy bread made by nuns and sing the Psalms with them.

5) If given a quarterly spiritual day, how would you actually spend it?

No really I'd do that if I could.  If I couldn't, I'd read a couple of chapters of my deep book and then take a nap.

BONUS: What would your Dream Ministry job include?

Adults excited about a church history class.

Tyler Clementi & Dr. Laura but really about Hope and Faith

What?  You are asking, does Dr. Laura have to do with Tyler Clementi the 18 year old who jumped from the George Washington Bridge after video of him having sex with another man were posted on the Internet?

Well I have this weird love-hate relationship with Dr. Laura.  She can be so wise and so right on in one sentence and so wrong in the next.  She talked about Tyler Clementi on her show today.  She was very sympathetic, having had nude photos of herself posted on the internet.  She expressed how that feels to be so humiliated that you just want to disappear.

What I liked about what she said was her insight as to what is is to be a teenager when every horror and pain is magnified and you don't have perspective of years of experience of weathering and surviving difficulties.   It brought to my mind the nature of faith - the clinging to the promise of a light in darkness even when you cannot see that light.


Now don't get me wrong  because I'm not saying if Tyler had just had enough faith, he would not have killed himself.  But I am saying that hope and faith can save your life.  Sometimes all you have is the promise that it will be better.  Is that not the promise of the Kingdom of God - that there is a better way, there is justice, there is love, there is kindness, there is hope even when you see nothing but cruelty and injustice right before you?  Why some people receive the gift of this saving hope and why it eludes others is a heartbreaking mystery to me.


But back to Dr. Laura and where she was wrong.  She said it was not about sexuality.  Of course it's about sexuality and homophobia.  Certainly it is wrong to invade someone's privacy.  As my son says "even if he was just sitting there watching TV it was wrong".  But you cannot tell me if Tyler was straight and had been taped having sex with a girl he would have been so devastated as to commit suicide.  This is what happens when we use words like "abomination" and even "love the sinner, hate the sin" when it comes to gay and lesbian people.


Oh the other thing that drove me crazy about Dr. Laura's commentary~  She went on and on about how she knew "exactly" how he felt.  No she didn't.  Having naked pictures of you posted on the internet when you present yourself as a moral upright citizen is humiliating but it's not the same.  You never know exactly how anyone feels.  I learned that when other widows tried to tell me they knew how I felt.  No they did not.  They were not married to Loren.  They did not know how if felt for ME to lose LOREN.  Everyone's pain is their own.   


Dr. Laura seemed to be certain that if she could have just told him she knew how he felt and what he should do about it, she could have saved him.  She really does have a Messiah complex.  Yo - Laura - it's not about you.

Chicken and Dumplings Soup

I had a Jewish roommate back in my youth.  She talked on and on about her mother's chicken soup.  Then one day she decided she would make chicken soup.  She took a stalk of celery and a whole chicken and an onion and put in it in a pot and cooked it till the chicken was done.  It was the most boring thing I ever ate.  I don't believe that was her mother's recipe.

Well I'm not Jewish but this is some pretty good chicken soup.  It starts the way I pretty much start everything - onions and peppers and garlic.  I used a yellow bell pepper because the color looks so good.  Red will do as well.  Also a word about cumin - do not think cumin is just for chili or Mexican food.  It is a staple in Indian, North African and middle eastern cuisine as well.  It is very versatile.  Go ahead and put it in your chicken soup.  You will not be sorry.

1 yellow onion, slicked thin

1 yellow bell pepper, sliced thin

1 clove garlic, chopped

1 stalk celery, sliced thin

1 Cup carrots, sliced

4 chicken thighs, with skin and bone

1 Tbl flour

1 Cup dry white wine

1/8 tsp (or whatever) cumin

1/4 tsp sage

Salt

Pepper

Heat the pan.  I use a big whole cast iron pot.  Add about a tbl of olive oil.  Saute onions, peppers and garlic until translucent. Add Sage, Cumin and salt and pepper  Add the flour and stir until it's kind of gloppy.  Add 1/2 cup white wine.  Stir and cook a few minutes, then spread the onion and pepper mixeture of to the side of the pan.  Put the chicken thighs in the middle and brown on both sides - like this:

Add the rest of the wine, carrots and five cups of water.  Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low, put a lid on it and leave it alone for 2-3 hours.  Your house will smell wonderful on a rainy day like today.

When the chicken is cooked, take it out, remove the skin, take it off the bone and put the meat back in the pot.

Make your dumplings--- I like mine pretty simple: Basically eggs and flour - 
 Beat 3 eggs with about 1/4 cup of milk.  Stir in 2 cups of flour - eventually it will get doughy and you will have to sick your hands in their and knead it a bit.  Divide it into little balls .  Turn the heat up on your soup until almost boiling, drop the dumplings in and let them simmer for about 10 minutes.  Your kids will fight over the dumplings.

She's Gone

Susan Hogan's ELCA news blog is done.  I could not say how I feel about it any better than Father Anonymous over at Magdalene's Egg.  Great quote   

A demand for total agreement is the telltale sign of sectarian thinking, and neither her blog nor ours -- nor the ELCA -- makes such a demand.

My Sister's Opinion of "Left Behind"

I have an older sister -Cathy who has been staying with me this summer.  It's been wonderful but she has to go back at the end of the week.  (Long story I don't wish to tell.)

My sister doesn't go to church.  She was raised Roman Catholic and back when she was a kid she figured she'd committed a mortal sin so it was all over for her so to hell with it.  Regretfully she hasn't seen much of any church since to draw her back.   She cannot for the life of her figure out why Christians seem so obsessed with gay people.

She's an avid reader and she came back from a used book sale in town with a bunch of books to read on the bus ride back to California.  I'm looking at her books and I gasp in horror when I see "Left Behind".   "WHY did you buy THAT book?" I demanded.

"What?"  She never heard of the Left Behind series.  She's never heard of millennialism. She likes science fiction and thought the idea of a bunch of people mysteriously disappearing sounded pretty interesting.   She thought it was science fiction.

So she comes downstairs this morning outraged after reading the first few chapters.  "People are saying in the book that GOD took these people.  Children - little children!  Nobody would believe that.  What kind of a God does that?  Why didn't they make it the devil taking all these people?  Why did they say it was God?  That is stupid.  Nobody believes that."

"Um,  a lot of people believe that"  

"Well I don't believe that.  MY God doesn't do that.  My God doesn't take children and loved ones away from people and leave them to suffer"  She was furious.  It's the most passionate I've ever seen her about religion.  She thought the idea of "rapture"  was the most ridiculis thing she'd ever heard of.  

I did tell her Lutherans don't believe that.  "WELL THANK GOD FOR THAT!"

*My sister died of breast cancer in May 2015

Corn Flakes are Corn Flakes and a Pastor is a Pastor

I was perusing the synod newsletter and noticed that a congregation where I interviewed back in May is STILL interviewing.  I thought I would have been a good pastor for them.  Yes I understand the Holy Spirit and all that and it wasn't meant to be.  And I could accept that they found someone else that they thought was more suitable.  But to discover they are STILL looking?  Come on.  NOBODY is that special. 

I become more and more convinced of something that crossed my mind several years ago.  This searching for the perfect match between pastor and congregation with both parties filling out pages and pages of profiles with boxes for this strength or that has not served either pastors or congregations well.  

The second call I took in Birnamwood Wisconsin, the bishop gave the congregation my name and they called me, sight unseen.  I stayed there 9 years, the longest I've stayed anywhere. 

The myth of the "perfect" match has set up both congregation and pastor for disappointment.  It has led us away from unconditional love.   It has made us focus on ourselves and made it seem as though OUR personal desires, likes, dislikes, passions and even strengths are what matter.   I think it is part of the problem of expecting pastors to do more than the traditional (dare I say CONFESSIONAL?) ministry of Word and Sacrament which is what ordained ministry is all about.  Pastor's strengths should be Word and Sacrament and if they aren't then they need to be weeded out of seminary.  It's nice that you have other passions but it's not about your passions, it's about SERVANTHOOD. 

Same with the congregation.  It's nice that you have a small group ministry but you don't need a pastor to lead that.  You need a pastor to preach  and teach the word, administer the sacraments  and I'll throw in visit the sick with that.  There is no perfect congregation or pastor.  Too bad.  Learn to live with and love them anyway.  It's like having children.  You get what you get and you love them.  Period.

Yes I know.  People who live in a culture that offers 17 brands of cornflakes expect choice when it comes to their pastor as well.  And I suppose pastors get picky too.  I wouldn't know.  As a woman I've ALWAYS felt grateful that someone was willing to give me a try.  There were a couple of REALLY unhealthy situations that I ran away from.   But I never turned down a congregation because it wasn't a "good match" 

I think this is a situation where we need to go against culture.  I know the Methodists did this for years and have given it up because it lead to "mediocrity"  Supposedly.  I don't believe it.  I think the Bishops just got tired of hearing both pastors and congregations complain that they didn't have more cornflakes to choose from. 

So don't make it Law.  Just makes the forms simpler.  Talk more about grace, unconditional and sacrificial love, and less about strengths and "good matches".  I think we'd all be better for it.

Don't ya just love it when the Butterfly opens her wings right when you snap the picture?

 

 

 

 

A Movie All Figure Skating Fans are Looking Forward to

On February 15, 1961 a plane crashed on route to landing in Brussels, Belgium and burst into flames.  Everyone on board was killed instantly, including the entire US World Figure Skating team, consisting of 18 athletes and 16 family members, coaches, and officials on their way to the World Championships.  The loss was so devastating to the entire sport that the World Championships were canceled that year.


To commemorate the 50th anniversary of that loss and to celebrate Figure Skating, a movie RISE, will premier February 17, 2011.  Get out your tissues

Lessons on the Road

I keep thinking I'm going to write a book.  I waver between a book about my experiences as a pastor and a historical novel about either Mary of Egypt or the Russian St Helga.

If I were to write a book about my life - I would most certainly include this story:

I sat in the car on the road down from the house of a man in my parish dying of pancreatic cancer. I did not want to get out of the car and go into his house.

It was not because he was dying, I have no problem being in the company of dying, in fact I find it a profound privilege to share that time with the dying. I didn't want to go into his house because his family was hostile, strange and possibly downright dangerous. So I had to give my self a combination pep talk/ scolding. I reminded myself of all the martyrs who had faced worse to serve Christ. Then I took a deep breath, plastered on a fake smile and walked through the gauntlet of bearded men in undershirts smoking and leaning against the broken down cars in the front yard. They all eyed me suspiciously but let me pass.

The man was in pain. The house was filthy and smelled. His sheets were dirty and toddlers ran around in dirty diapers screaming and jumping on his bed, making him wince in pain. “JAIMIE GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE AND LEAVE GRANDPA ALONE!” someone screamed. The man smiled weakly “Oh it's fine”. This was when I decided dying at home is not all it is cracked up to be.

But this story begins about a year before this. I got a call from a CPE student at the hospital. She wanted me to come down so I could “interface” with her about the man's wife who was at the hospital. When I got to the hospital she kept saying that word - “interface”. And she kept calling me Ms. “You can call me Pastor”, I corrected her and then I rather irritably asked her what she meant by "interface".

“We need to discuss Mrs. So and So” she says rather patronizingly. “That the word we use now” she explained to me patiently when I asked her why she didn't just say that.

“Mrs. So and So is dying of cancer and is in a lot of pain” Mrs. So and So was not a member – only her husband came to church. She never wanted anything to do with the church.

“She's very angry”

“I imagine she is,” I said. She looked at me with a question mark on her face.

“She's in pain and she's dying. I'd be angry too.”

“But she's really angry and she needs closure” Now I'm getting angry. I got an angry dying woman to deal with AND an idiot CPE student.

I never got to see Mrs. So and So. She wanted nothing to do with me. She died cursing me, the church and God. She died the way she lived. Bitter and angry. It's a pity but it happens more often than not. I guess Hollywood has convinced us that we should all make peace with one another and with God before we die. It rarely happens that way. I'm sure I was quite a disappointment to the CPE student. I couldn't “interface” properly and I couldn't get Mrs. So and So to die the way she was supposed to.

But despite the way she died, Mrs. So and So got a church funeral. Because funerals are for the living and her husband was a faithful member and needed to bury his wife in the church.

From the beginning it was a battle with her daughters about what a church funeral was. Having never come to church themselves, they had no idea. I held firm that we were NOT going to sing “You are the wind between my legs” or wings, or whatever that ridicules song is called. “This is a church funeral and we are going to sing about Christ and the resurrection” I was under no illusions what this was – a battle for power and I was damned well not going to let these people who never darkened the church doorway dictate to me how to do a church funeral.

When it was all said and done I did have second thoughts and regretted that perhaps that battle was more about my ego and what would have been the harm if they sang their stupid song?

And then the father got pancreatic cancer and died almost a year later. And this time there was no question of singing anything but church hymns at the funeral.

And the daughter and her daughter and son showed up on my door saying that loosing both their parents had made them think about God and now they wanted to change their life and come to church.

Now this is like a Hollywood movie. This is what every pastor dreams of. The angels in heaven are singing over not one but THREE sinners who repent!

But the congregation was not singing. They knew this family better than I did and they did not want any part of them. These people were some good old fashioned sinners. Drinking every night at the pub. All kinds of children with all kinds of fathers (I never did get that all straight). Once they had actually chased some members off their property with a shot gun at one point.

And there were actually people on the church council who wanted to DENY them church membership. Because they were sinners. I talked about forgiveness. About the angels rejoicing in heaven over one lost sinner. About the prodigal son. Most of them realized (reluctantly) that they had to let them join. Except for one council member who was not swayed by any of that. He voted no.

It was rough. The children showed up at Sunday School and shocked the other children and the teachers with some pretty interesting language they learned. They still were seen at the bar making scenes. These people were such outcasts that they had no idea how to act around people. When I would go to their house nobody would get up from their chairs and I would just sit on the floor because I realized they never had company and so they never learned how to treat company. They came to a potluck without bringing any food because they didn't know what “potluck” meant. They never had been to one. It was really pretty sad.

I got phone calls at night by people complaining about these people joining the church.  Honestly I found the congregation's behavior much more shocking than our resident "sinners".

There was a 16 year old that I wanted to join the church as an adult and NOT put him in the confirmation class because he was older and because well, it just would not be a good idea to have him with the younger kids. People called me up complaining that THEIR kids HAD to go through confirmation, so why shouldn't he? Like confirmation was some kind of punishment. When I brought up the parable of the workers in the vineyard, one man responded “Yea! And I bet they don't even KNOW that story because they don't know the bible!”

I met with the three of them to explain some of the basics of Christianity. One night I just read to them the parable of the workers in the vineyard. Then I asked them why they thought I read them that story. “Because we've been outside of the church our whole lives and some people in the congregation are having a hard time believing we really want to change”  They got it.

I left that parish before the family had really integrated into the church. It was a church where outsiders never really fit in anyway so I have no idea how it all turned out. But I certainly learned a lot from that whole experience. Besides learning that dying at home is not always better than dying in the hospital, I learned how little a lot of life long Christians really understand the Gospel. I learned how hard it is to forgive and welcome sinners, especially sinners you've known all your life. I also learned to forgive as well. Not the prodigal family, but the congregation for their lack of forgiveness and hospitality. How easy it would have been for me to get self-righteous and arrogant myself about their unchristian behavior. The Christian walk is a long difficult struggle. It was hard for the prodigal family to give up their old ways. It was just as hard for the congregation to give up their ways of seeing that prodigal family. It's easy to forgive in the abstract, it's another story when it's right there in your face.

Life and faith and discipleship is complicated. It's not black and white and change doesn't happen overnight. It's a journey. If you get too focused on the destination you miss the important lessons along the way.