As if it were up to us to *keep* Christ in Christmas

I know it's not even Thanksgiving - but I love this Poster from The Fat pastor

ELCA Pastors on Facebook

There's a group on Facebook for ELCA Clergy.  It's a lot of fun.  We discuss/argue about theology, give advice, share stories.  There are more than 3200 members in the group and its growing everyday.

There are some people in that group that drive me nuts.  Some about whom I think "YEE GADS - These are ELCA PASTORS???"

And then it occurs to me.  There are people thinking the same thing about me.  

Heh.  Don't ya love it?

Chicken Tortilla Soup

"Make me something spicy" says my sick daughter who is coming home for Thanksgiving.  This is what I came up with.

1/2 red bell pepper

1/2 green bell pepper

1 onion

1 jalapeno pepper 

1 clove garlic

Tops & leaves of about 3 celery stalks

4 skin on bone in chicken thighs

1 cup chardonnay

1 small can cream corn

1 small can tomatoes and chillis
1 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp ancho chilli powder 
1/2 tsp Mexican oregano
1/4 - 1/2 tsp Chipolte powder*
  (I get all my spices from Penzeys)
2 T olive oil
4 Corn tortillas

Heat the pan.  Add 1 tbl olive oil to pan.  I use an iron cast kettle.  Dust the chicken thighs with a little ancho and chilli power, salt and pepper.  Brown them in the pan.  Cut off the parts of the peppers you wouldn't normally use and throw in the pan.  You can add the rest of the pepper later or use them for something else.  Cut the onion in 4 pieces and throw that and the garlic clove  and celery leaves in there, stir them around so they are covered in oil and chicken grease.  Add some salt and pepper and the rest of the spices.  Add wine and simmer until it is really thick and before it burns and sticks to the pan - about 10-15 minutes.  You have to stay and watch it.  Then add 4 cups of water, turn down to a low simmer, put the lid on and go take a nap for an hour or so.

When the chicken is cooked after an hour or so, take the chicken out and strain out the vegtables.  Take the skin and bone out of the chicken and put it back in the broth.  Now at this point you can saute the rest of the peppers and add them if you want a more chunky soup but I didn't do that this time.  Add the canned tomatoes and cream corn, add another cup of water, bring to a boil, then turn down and simmer for another half an hour.  

Preheat oven to 400.  Brush olive oil, salt and chilli powder on about 4 tortillas, bake for about 10 minutes.  Cut in strips when baked.  Put strips in a bowl.  Pour soup over it.  Good for what ails you.

PS If you can't handle the heat, leave out the jalapeno and the chipolte.  Ancho and cumin is not hot.

Friday Five -Thanksgiving

Usually when I hit a blogging block, I turn the the RevGalBlogPals Friday Five to get me to write something.  ANYthing.  

Last Thanksgiving I was VERY grateful although a little stressed out because I had just a few weeks to pack and move and get out of town.  But I did make turkey and all the extras.

1. Where will you be on Thanksgiving Day? With whom?

My son, my daughter, my seven cats and I.


2. Are there any family traditions or memories associated with Thanksgiving?

From the time I was married 24 years ago we went to my husband's sisters in La Cross Wisconsin for thanksgiving.  His aunt always made lefse and gave everyone a package to take home.  When we lived several hours away we would leave Wednesday night after church, with the kids in their pajamas so they would sleep during the drive.
 That night we would always go to the Riverside Park along the Mississippi where the Rotary Club put up the Midwest's largest light display.  We'd either drive through the park if it was too cold or walk if it wasn't too bad.

When the kids were older we would drive two hours up to Minneapolis, spend the night and do the Black Friday shopping at the Mall of America.   That's right, I did the evil shopping thing.  Had a great time too.  Found the crowds amusing and entertaining.  Would give the kids some money to go buy me a Christmas gift.  One year they got me a whole season of the West Wing.

3. What will be on your Thanksgiving menu?

Turkey with Cherry Stuffing, mashed potatoes  (cook the potatoes in chicken broth for some extra flavory) and gravy, green beans or broccoli, depending upon what looks freshest at the store, Squash and Apple casserole (I may post that recipe soon because that is some good stuff)  Cranberry Raspberry Jello, canned cranberry sauce for my son and this year I made some jalapeno and cranberry relish.  Pumpkin pie with REAL whipped cream, and I may try to make a pie crust again.  I never have much luck with that but I have my mom's Cuisinart  this time and I think that may make it easier.

4. Are you trying anything new this Thanksgiving?

No but I think we may make lefse while my daughter is home.  We did it a few years ago with some success.  I have a new potato ricer so that part of the job should not be so difficult.

5. What is the weather forecast for this day (next Thursday)?  High of 43, partly cloudy small chance of precipitation.  That is walking around watching the lights weather but we are staying home this year.

Time to Make the Fruitcake~2011

Last year about this time I was desperately packing to be ready to move at the end of the month so I did not have time to make my usual Christmas fruit cake.  

I posted this recipe two years ago under the same heading "Time to Make the Fruitcake"

Yea I know all the jokes about fruitcake.  Just try it.  

This year's is especially good because I could not find any candied lemon and orange peel so I made my own - with this really easy recipe from the Food Network

These were so good they did not all make it into the fruitcake.  Some fell into some dark chocolate. I may never buy these again.

Do not skimp on these ingredients. Yes it is rich and unhealthy. So what? You make it once a year, you give all away except one loaf (unless you are having a party). Enjoy.

Ingredients:

1 C chopped dates

1 c golden raisins

1 c. candied pineapple, thinly sliced

2 c. red candied cherries, diced

1 c. green candied cherries, diced.

1 c. candied lemon peel

1 c. candied orange peel

1 c peach preserves

about 1 c Apricot Brandy

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 c pecans, coarsely chopped

1 c butter

2 c all-purpose flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1 pinch cloves

1 c. dark brown sugar

6 eggs

Directions:

The night before you bake, combine raisins, dates, cherries, pineapple, preserves with 1/2 C. brandy and vanilla in bowl. Cover. Let stand at room temperature overnight.

The next day, preheat oven to 300. Grease and flour four 9 x 5 loaf pans.  Actually nowadays I spray the pan and then dust them with sugar rather than flour, works the same to keep from sticking but it make them EVEN sweeter.  And it's all about the sugar with fruitcake.

Add nuts to fruit mixture. Set aside. In a large bowl cream butter and sugar. Beat eggs separately and add to butter and sugar. Add spices. Add flour. Pour batter into fruit mixture and stir to get all of the fruit covered. The batter is just there to keep the fruit together.

Pour into loaf pans. Pat down with fingers. Decorate with half candied cherries and whole pecans. Sprinkle with red or green sugar if you like. 

Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake for two hours. Remove foil and bake 30-40 minutes or until cakes are browned. Cool completely in pans on wire racks.

When cakes are cool, pour 1/4 brandy over each. Cover tightly with aluminum foil or wrap in cheese cloth and store for at lease two but no more than 6 weeks before eating.

Note --if this is too much booze, you can pour orange juice over the cakes and it will be good too. But not nearly as much fun.

A Bad Week for my Opinion of Humanity

First it was Herman Cain comparing having past sexual harassment charges made public to being lynched.  Really Mr. Cain?  Really?

Then the allegations of a serial pedophile having access  and free reign to rape and assault troubled children.  And the reaction to it at the time can't even be called a cover up as much as a "oh well, just don't use our locker room".  Then when the board of Penn State, more as damage control than anything else fires the man who knew about it but only did the bare minimum to cover his own ass -- students rally around him in a disgraceful and totally insensitive to the victims display.  Between this and Herman Cain's backlash at his accusers (there will be more but they are all liars too).  No wonder victims choose to just keep their mouths shut and deal with their pain in silence.  Oh yea and if you don't think the fact that many of the boys abused were African American doesn't play into this and the unwillingness of anybody to stand up - then you are very naive.  Just think about that and then tell me about "lynching".

 And I wish they would stop calling it a damned "sex scandal"  This is not some sordid tabloid story.  This is a rape and sexual assault case.

And then there is the story of body parts of soldiers killed in action being treated cavalierly.

Oh yea and the Black Rhino has been declared extinct.   Just makes me want Jesus to come back.  Today.

How to Appreciate Advent and NOT be a Scrooge.

It's not even Advent yet and the anti-commercialism  scolding has begun.  

Now it's "Occupy Advent"  on Facebook  who are urging us not to post anything about buying things for Christmas.   This seems like the most bizarre movement ever.  Go ahead and buy stuff, just keep it secret.  

Because, you know, shaming people into good behavior ALWAYS works so well.

It's not that consumerism is not an issue all times of the year. 

 It's the scolding and the shaming I am just durn tired of.  I've written of this before.  I like buying presents.  I like Christmas trees and lights and even Santa Claus.  

Do I think any of that has anything to do with Jesus?  

Well yea, I do.  Christmas is about the incarnation, God entering into our human lives.  We don't have to put Christ back into Christmas, he's there whether you want him there or not.  He is in the shopping malls.   He is in the face of the harried mall clerk who could perhaps benefit more from a kind word from a shopper than someone boycotting the mall all together.  


The Advent Conspiracy has been around for at least 20 years.  Preachers have been haranguing about consumerism on Christmas as long as I can remember.  

Let's ask ourselves a question.  

HOW'S THAT WORKING FOR US?  

Apparently not so well.

If the meaning of the coming of Christ into our lives has nothing to do with things, then let's stop focusing on things.  

Buy gifts, make gifts, don't buy gifts.  Post it on Facebook, don't post it on Facebook.  Whatever. That's not what it is about.


Is it about the poor?  Well yes but I'm pretty sure people are more charitable at Christmas time than any other time of the year so really I don't think we need more scolding about that either.

What is it about?  

It's about God with us.  All year round.  In all parts of our lives.  It's about God claiming all of us.  

Even the part of us that thinks we can make everything better for children's first Christmas without their Dad by buying a bunch of toys.  Deep down we know better but we are so desperate to see a little joy in them for a few minutes we'll take what we can get.  (Okay you know I don't mean "we" right?) 

God claims the part of us that is all self-righteous because we didn't get our hands dirty at an evil mall and we've hand made all our gifts. 

God claims everyone, the people whose livelihoods depend on the money that comes in from Christmas shopping and the people who line up at the food pantry and rejoice that they got the last box of cheese its and are going to wrap it up and give it to their child as a Christmas gift, because they too, want to see a little joy in their child's face.

Christmas is a gift.  

Let's just accept the gift and stop trying to earn it by either buying or not buying gifts.  Maybe that's the best way to prepare for Christmas. 

"Safeguarding God's Children"

For the past few years I would get the same email from the synod.  Apparently some years ago some resolution passed at the Synod Assembly that all us rostered folk had to attend a "Safeguarding God's Children" training on how to protect youth against  sexual abuse in the church.  It was always on a Sunday afternoon and it was always an hour or so away.  I never want to do anything on a Sunday afternoon, so I pretty much ignored the emails.

The last one said they would not recommend my name to a congregation until I took the training.  So today, after THREE services, I got in the car and drove an hour to fulfill my obligation, rolling my eyes and bitching about it to my visiting sister right up to the end.

It was excellent.  I should have done this years ago.  I should have brought the education committee from all the churches with me.  What was really telling was the information that pedophile networks (you know there are such things, where they advice each other how to find and groom victims) are advising one another to go to church.  Not to find Jesus.  To find little boys and girls.  Because for years now the other youth organization, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Boys and Girls Clubs, ect, have been on top of this and have pretty much made themselves inaccessible to predators.  As usual, the church is woefully behind on this issue, sticking our head in the sand, claiming we don't have to worry about such terrible things taking place in OUR congregation.

I think of some of things we used to do.  I once took a group of kids in my van, with only me, to a confirmation retreat in a hotel.  They were farm kids who didn't get out much and a hotel with a pool was a big deal.  We had a bible study by the pool.   And all the youth gatherings with six girls and two beds and me in a hotel room.  I remember how I used to take the chest measurements myself of all the confirmands for the robes because it was easier than waiting for the parents to get them to me.  No more of that.

"Oh what a shame we can't do that anymore because we have to worry about THAT" is the standard response.  No --what  a shame we did not worry about THAT in the past.  What a shame we exposed young people to abuse in the past.  I don't have a problem with never ever letting children or youth being alone with an adult (even me) again.  Actually I'm kind of relieved to be able to say "Sorry but if I don't get some adults to go with me, we just are not going to be able to go on this trip"  

It isn't that the problem is worse now.  It's that we are AWARE of the problem and are doing what we can to prevent it.  That is not a shame.  That's a good thing.

And good for my synod, the North Eastern Iowa Synod, the COOLEST synod in the ELCA for nagging us rostered types to give up a Sunday afternoon for this.  If your synod is nagging you to go to one, stop procrastinating and get yourself to one.  And if they are not, nag THEM to make that training available.

Of course now comes the part that is even more difficult than giving up my Sunday afternoon nap--convincing the congregation that we need to put these safeguards in place.

Catching Up...

Road Trip Sight Seeing

Sometimes this blog goes neglected because I have nothing to say.  The last few weeks have been frustrating because I've had a lot to say but no time to write.  

Sooo... I drove to California from Iowa.  I thought I could do it in three days and two nights but the third day I visited Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanub, Utah,

Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in a beautiful Canyon Setting

then lost two hours taking the wrong road.   After about 15 minutes I realized it was not the right road, but there was no tower so my GPS did not work, there were no way off the road, nor was there even a shoulder to pull over to look at a map and forget about turning around.  That was pretty frustrating.  I ended up stopping at a Motel 6 in Barstow, California about 2 hours away from my mom's house, but I'd been driving 14 hours, it was dark and I just couldn't go any farther.  This is what I learned about long distance road trips.  You can drive 12-13 hours about two days in a row.  Then you can't. 

 When I got there, I began the rather surreal tasks of going through my mother's things.  She had a lot of things.  She had a lot of nice things.  She had a lot of tacky, stupid things.  Forty three pairs of pants.  Close to a hundred beautiful lace handkerchiefs.   Dozens of cans of beans.  Lots of beautiful quilts she made.  None of which she ever made for her children or grandchildren.  

Then we found the hats.  About 25 of them from the 30s and 40s when she was a Roman Catholic and hats were a must.  25 hats.  This was when my sister was a little girl and she had to steal money out of my mom's purse to go the drug store to buy shoes because my mom never noticed or cared she needed new shoes.

We divided up the quilts.  We invited her friends to come over and take whatever they wanted.  We let the housekeepers take whatever they wanted.  Then we had a two day yard sale.  Sold a lot of stuff.  Made $500 on the yard sale.  But there was still a lot of stuff left.  We dragged it all back in the garage for my brother to deal with.


We were going to leave the next morning.  My sister came back with me.  Since we had a little money I suggested we leave that night, drive a few hours, stay in a nice hotel and then we would not have to drive as far for our first stop - the Grand Canyon.  That was a very good idea.  That house was oppressive.  All that stuff.  All those friends who loved her.  One of the son's of her friends asked to buy something of hers.  He also told a born again story so I offered him her bible.  "You take it,  I can't sell her bible" I said.  He actually wept.   As my brother said "How could she have so many close friends and be so estranged from her own children?"  It was just very freeing to get out there.  That chapter is over.  Done.  Complete.

 

The Grand Canyon was spectacular.  I had never seen it.  Neither had my sister and she's 66.   There are a lot of things I still haven't done or seen but seeing this made me feel good about the chances of me seeing and doing a lot more exciting things in the future.

If you do go, I suggest the Cameron Trading Post and Motel in Cameron - It's about an hour and a half drive from the Grand Canyon but an hour of that is driving through the park and seeing lots of over looks and road signs that warn of mountain lions crossing.  It's a charming little place with Native American decor. Very reasonably priced.  You must have breakfast there - the Huevos Rancheros are the best I have ever had in my life.  And Indian fry bed.

The Night Before

Well the To Do List is pretty much done.  Trying to get the car packed tonight because I have a planned departure time of 5 am.  I want to be relaxing in my hotel room in Sterling, Colorado well before sunset.  These are my sister's boxes I am taking to her.  I want to put them in the car but I hate to disturb Tommy.

These are all the cards I got yesterday.  Some even had cash and checks in them.   Back in my traveling days I used to print out labels and then take them to slap on postcards.  This time I had the secretary print out labels and I am going to use postcards as thank you notes on my trip.  Clever, eh?

I have my IPod loaded with Lady Gaga, Brandi Carlile, Paul Simon and lectures on "Turning Points in American History" from the Learning Company.  Got a couple of bottles of Samual Adams for the evenings and even a bottle opener.  I even threw my skates in the trunk.  You never know!

The plan is drive about 12 hours to Sterling, Colorado tomorrow.  That is BEFORE the moutains so I will be fresh to tackle them.  Second night is at Kanab, Utah.  The next day I'm going to take a tour of the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, which will give me a later start, but then it's only about 7 hours to Granada Hills, CA.  And it just so happens that right in the middle of my drive is Las Vegas!

My sister will be coming back with me and we are going to come back by way of the Grand Canyon.  But before that we have to go through my mom's things.  I guess she was something of a hoarder.  My sister called me to day she found 43 pairs of pants.  Most them blue.  Okay.  THAT is going to be interesting.

Wonderful Day

Celebrated my 25th Anniversary of Ordination today.  It was just wonderful.  It was a beautiful service.  We had the best organist.  A member of the congregation played the trumpet.  The bishop talked about what has happened in the last 25 years, talking about how terrorist acts have become more and more a part of our reality, how children who have grown up in the last 25 years have known nothing but a world with this reality.  But he also talked about hope and grace and the wonderful gift of the church.  Oh yea he said some nice things about me too.  He made me cry.  Damn I knew I should not have put on mascara for this!

The pastor who was the senior pastor at my first call came.  Now I had been a pastor for  one year as an interim while waiting for a call.  Then I get called to be the Associate pastor.  He was kind of (okay more than kind of) a control freak.  It was um, difficult let us say.  But it was only for a couple of years.  He preached at my wedding.  His son (who died of ALS a few years ago) was my son's godfather.  He stayed in my life long after our working relationship.  He was a much better friend than a "boss".  I love him dearly.  He and his wife came.  A classmate of mine from PLTS (both of us ended up in Wisconsin) came.  My son got up and went to church.  They had balloons.  One former congregation (that pretty much let about 3 people run me out) sent flowers.    It was everything you could want.   I love the church.  I will remember this day on those days when I forget how much I love the church.

This is my favorite picture from the day.  This is what it is all about.

What I'm Doing on 9/11

Having a party.  This year is my 25th anniversary of my ordination.  The actually date is July 6, 1986.  September 11 is the earliest my bishop had free.  And I wanted the bishop so September 11 it was.    After what I've been through this year I'm just so damned grateful I'm still a pastor.  

 This is what I wrote in my pastor's letter in this month's newsletter:

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

          I am so looking forward to the celebration on September 11 of my anniversary of ordination.

I hope this doesn’t seem egotistical because what I am looking forward to is not a celebration of ME but a celebration of the church, the ministry of the whole church and how grateful and happy I am to be a part of it.

          I really wanted our Synod Bishop Steven Ullestad to preach.  Not because he’s so wonderful (although I actually think he is) but to include the wider church in this celebration, to emphasize this is about what a gift the church is to us.  It just so happened that he was not available to come until September 11.  I understand the tragedy of  September 11, 2001 is imbedded profoundly in this nation’s memory, especially this being the 10^th anniversary.  It gave me pause to wonder it was inappropriate to have a celebration on this day.

I know something about grief.    I  know that even in grief , celebration is essential.  Even in grief, you must be open to finding joy or you will sink in despair.   The last 25 years have not been a cake walk.  I served in some very difficult situations.  I have stood and prayed over the graves of babies, children and teenagers.  I have seen people in the church do truly evil things in the name of “being Christian”

But I have seen people rise above the evil and pettiness and selfishness that surround us and shine with the love of Christ so brightly that it hurts my eyes just to think of it.  I have been forgiven and I have forgiven.  I have been upheld and sustained by the prayers and faith of the church when I was too sad, too tired, too overwhelmed to lean upon my own faith.

There will always be sorrow, tragedy, unkindness and hate, not only in the world but in the church until Our Lord returns.  Until then, we live with chaff.  And too often we ARE the chaff.  But there will always be love and there will always be forgiveness and there always be grace.  And until the Lord returns and it is no longer needed, we will always have the Church.  And that is what I hope you will come and celebrate with me on Sunday, September 11.

“And be of good courage, for God has called you,
and your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

                                         

I found another Cooking Pastor

She's had beautiful photos of the process of cooking.  Check out Sarah at The Strength of Faith.

I'm leaving on a road trip to California in a few days.  My plan is blog every night.  Ha ha ha.  That depends on how good my internet connection is and how tired I am after 11-12 hour drive.

What the Church Can Learn from Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is the guy that screams and humiliates wanna-be chefs who take it for a chance to work for him (and take even more of it I suppose) on "Hell's Kitchens" and tells people their food is crap and they have their heads up the wrong part of their body before saving their failing restaurants on Kitchen Nightmares.  What on earth can the church learn from him you may wonder.

I've been watching back to back episodes of Kitchen Nightmares, where failing restuarant owners ask him to come and turn their business around.   They always think they have wonderful food and are always shocked when he tells them their food is crap.   He always asks them "What is wrong with the restaurant?" and the answer is always  "We don't have enough people"   The look on his face when they tell him that is really worth watching it over and over even though it's always the same story.

So when you ask a congregation what do they need to do to improve, what do they always say- "We need more young people!"  What's wrong with the church?  Not enough young people!

If you push it and ask "Well why aren't their more young people?", the answer is "they are too busy, their priorities are screwed up, they were not brought up right"... blah blah blah.  There is nothing wrong with the food we are serving, it's just that the people don't appreciate it....

Just saying...

It all Began at Churchwide

 

Just got this from my Northeastern Iowa Synod office:

ELCA Hay Lift Update

Three to six semi trucks will be loaded with hay at 10 a.m. Monday, Aug. 29, at two Luana farms as part of a hay lift sponsored by the Northeastern Iowa Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. The trucks will leave Northeastern Iowa on Monday for delivery on Wednesday to Texas ranchers affected by that state’s severe drought.  

The hay lift is spearheaded by Pastor Harold McMillin of St. John Lutheran (ELCA), Luana. While visiting with Texas residents at the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America Churchwide Assembly in Orlando, Fla., last week, Pastor McMillin learned how Texas ranchers were having to sell their herds due to a lack of food. McMillin suggested a hay lift, and the three ELCA bishops from Iowa met with three ELCA bishops from Texas to plan a joint project. They decided to designate the Northeastern Iowa Synod as a pilot synod to get the hay lift project off the ground. If this initial effort is successful, plans are for Iowa’s other two ELCA synods to organize hay lifts statewide.

So far five local farmers, including four from St. John Lutheran (ELCA), Luana, have donated hay for the project. Lutheran Disaster Response has contributed $25,000 to purchase additional hay and to pay for trucking costs. Plans are to help the ranchers have enough hay to last until they are able to have their own crops again. The biggest challenge has been finding the trucks and drivers to deliver the hay, but McMillin says that as word spreads, people have been coming forth with referrals of drivers and equipment

 I love my church.  I love my synod!
Iowa Farmers Organizing Hay Lift for Texas

Saying Good Bye (or not) to Mom,

Mom and I, seeing my aunt off on a Cruise, around 1964

My mother is 96 and dying. 

 It's not going to be easy for her to die because she's healthy and tough.  Too mean to die, that's my Mom.  She's in California, I'm in Iowa.  The congregation I'm serving as generously given me a gift in honor of my 25th ordination anniversary early in case I wanted to use the money to go see her.  

In a different story, I would take that money, fly out to see her before she dies and we would all have "closure" and no regrets.

But that is not going to be our story.  

See, my mother never wanted me or any of her kids for that matter.  As she told us many times, in those days you had no choice but to get married and have kids.  She was a negative, critical, unhappy person.   Fortunately, I did not notice that growing up. My husband noticed it.  "I am never going out there to see her again.", He told me,  "You will have to go without me"

So I did one last time, a little less than 20 years ago.  My children were toddlers.  I never tell anyone this story because it's just so unbelievable but this is what happened.  We were staying at her house.  She was pretty irritated because my children spilled ketchup on her white tablecloth, didn't want to eat dinner at her usual time of 4 pm and they liked to watch cartoons on television.  What kind of a mother was I?  I was washing clothes and she came in to tell me how to do it.  Well you know mothers and daughters.  I rolled my eyes and said "MOM! (you know, in two syllables) I know how to use a washing machine!"

She kicked me out.  "I can't stand you.  Get out of my house"  I said I was sorry.  I cried.  I begged her not to be that way.  But she was done with me.  It was 10 at night.  I had to call a friend, pick my babies up out of their beds sleeping and leave.  And I never came back.  Not because I wasn't willing to forgive, she was not willing to forgive. 


I have an older brother and sister from another marriage. When I was younger.  I never understood until then why they never came to see her.  Now I do.

But she tolerates visits from them.  Me, she never wanted anything to do with although we have exchanged a few polite phone calls.   

I've called her a few times since she's taken to her bed trying to die.  "I love you Mom," I say, "Okay thanks for calling, goodbye," She says.  That and "Don't come visit me"

There is something wrong with her.  I know it's not me.  It took me a long time to realize that.  I used to feel guilty about messing up her life for being born but she chose to get married again, get pregnant at 43 and have me.  

Oh, yea she would tell me how everyone told her she should abort me but she didn't.   Oh how noble. Abortion was illegal,  she was not stupid, she didn't feel like dying in some back alley.   

I could make excuses for my Mom and believe me I have.  But excuses can get in the way of forgiveness.  If  it's not your fault, then what do you need forgiveness for?  

My mother had a hard life.  But she had choices.   We all have choices.  I do forgive her.  I do feel sorry for her.  I do pray she dies soon and finds some peace.   If there is a hell I'm pretty sure she's already served her time there on earth.

So I'm not going back there.  She's not going to die alone.  My sister takes a bus (because she can't afford a car) every day to go see her and listen to her complain.  My brother, who is very successful, pays for round the clock care for her in the house he bought for her.  She never says thank you, she just complains.  And she has the housekeeper she's had (paid for my brother) for 30 years.  That's who she is close to.  The housekeeper.  

Sometimes I look at how lucky she is to have all that care, to be in her own house and think "nobody is going to do that for me when I die" .  

That's right, I'm not going to die the way she is, bitter and closer to a housekeeper than her own children. 

She's had a hard life but so have I and I am not going to die like she is, only thinking of the hard things, not all the blessings and love and good things there have been along with the hard things.   

There is always something to be thankful for.

*Update - my mother died a week later on August 31, 2011.

 

Pepper Relish

 

I love pickled banana peppers.  I have a few bushes growing in my garden and they are great producers.  But the one time I tried pickling them they were pretty mushy.  So how about some relish? 

8-10 Bananna peppers

1/2  Red Onion

1 Red Bell Pepper

1 jalapeno pepper

1 Cup cider vinegar

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 Tsp course salt

 1  Tbl Pickling spice ( I made my own with some mustard seed, celery seed, whole cloves, cayenne pepper and turmeric.)

So I chopped half of the peppers and mixed the rest in the food processor to get a mixture of fine and more course vegetables.  I seeded the jalapeno because it came out of my garden and they are usually hotter out of the garden then from the store and banana peppers have a little heat.  I like heat but not so much that you can't taste the relish.

Bring the vinegar, sugar and spices to a boil.  Then add the vegtables and cook, stirring often for about 10 minutes.  This makes about  3 half-pints.  Water bath for 5 minutes.